Before we were married, my husband and I dated long-distance for almost a whole year.
Skype gave you the illusion that the person you love is sitting across from you, which was both a benefit and a burden. You can see and hear me, but I’m still too far away to give you a hug. I won’t lie; it was difficult. There were several occasions when all I wanted to do was hold his hand or sit close to him.
I can now, nearly two years into our marriage, understand how that long-distance season shaped and affected us. In particular, it taught us how to communicate with one another. Prior to getting married, you should always talk about important issues, such as whether you want children and how many, your fundamental views and values, and your future plans. You cannot have a split child or pursue two opposing goals, therefore these should be in line with one another or at least complement one another. This list offers something a little bit unique. You may use these questions to learn more about each other’s personalities and how your relationship will function in day-to-day interactions.
1. How important are pets to you?
My now-husband and I spoke about getting a dog before we were married. In the Chicago suburbs where I grew up, dogs were considered pets that slept indoors, shared a couch with you, and dressed up for Halloween. But my spouse, who grew up in a rural area of Missouri, had a different perspective on animals. They worked as hunting dogs or caught mice in the stables while sleeping outside.
We agreed that since we had such divergent views on how to care for a dog, and since I wasn’t really interested in having a dog, having a dog would be a source of conflict in our marriage. You should sit down and have the same conversation with your prospective partner since you never know what you’ll learn.
2. How were household chores decided when you grew up?
When we initially got married, I went through a brief phase of passive aggression. My mother used to prepare meals while my father did the dishes afterward. So, even though I never told my new husband I expected it of him, I became annoyed when I prepared and he didn’t start doing the dishes right away.
A lot of marital expectations are based on your upbringing. You may anticipate that chores would go in the same way as they did when you were a child when you enter married life. You two should have a conversation about how home duties were allocated when you were kids. These concepts might serve as the cornerstones of the cohesive strategy you develop for your partnership.
3. Do you invest much money in yourself?
When you’ve had a bad day or need to unwind, the items you’re prepared to spend money on might reveal a lot about your financial situation. I take a bath at least once a week and occasionally drink a fantastic iced cappuccino from a neighborhood coffee shop. These were ideas that my financially responsible and thrifty spouse and I had to talk about before we were married. This may be used as a jumping-off point to talk about your financial habits. Is there anything your potential husband purchases that you find objectionable? Do you have a system in place for how major purchases should be handled, or are you both financially compatible? What constitutes “a substantial purchase”? All of these conversations are crucial to have.
4. What do you want in life?
You want to know what your prospective partner is prepared to make any sacrifices for. Do they intend to enlist in the Army? Do they intend to start a home-based small business? You want to make sure your aspirations and goals are compatible with everyone else’s. You will have to compromise frequently during your marriage, so you should be aware of the boundaries you are ready to accept. We frequently agree on the decisions we make since my spouse and I have extremely similar goals in life.
5. Where do you want to live?
As long as you love one other, everything is possible, someone once remarked. I’m sure you’ve heard this expressed before as well. Even if love is the cornerstone of a relationship, there are some things you should share to avoid developing resentment for one another later on. My spouse and I decided that we wanted to live abroad before we were married. We spend a lot of time traveling and love doing it together, but not everyone enjoys it. For some folks, even the distinction between living in the country and the city might be too much. Be truthful with each other and give this response some serious thought.
6. What is your ideal amount of time together?
Does this seem unusual to you? If you’re an extrovert, perhaps; if you’re an introvert, perhaps not. Inform your potential partner if you require alone time. In order to prevent them from being injured unintentionally a few weeks into your marriage, now is the time to set expectations and let them know if you will need time to yourself.
7. What does your relationship with your family look like?
At this stage of your relationship, hopefully, you’ve had the opportunity to meet one other’s families. Family is important because they are dependable. Even while you don’t have to be best friends with every member of your future spouse’s family, you should think carefully about how you would interact with them. This one was quite easy for my spouse and me because we both get along well with our families and with each other.
8. How do you react when you’re stuck in traffic?
Nothing makes someone more stressed than travel. Before we got engaged, my husband and I traveled to Europe. No matter how perfectly you plan things out, there will always be unexpected turns and flight delays. I started paying attention on this trip, and I observed how composed my now-husband is under pressure like that.
You’ve probably seen how your prospective spouse behaves under pressure if you’ve traveled together or dealt with a challenging medical scenario. You should start learning about stresses and how to support one another through them right away, even if it could take some time to master. This is also a chance for you to watch for any warning signs in the way that person acts under pressure.
9. Consider the first disagreement you had. How did you handle it?
Even if you could have had several arguments since you first started dating, it’s important to reflect on the first one, or at least the first one you can recall. Consider what transpired and what steps you’ve taken to enhance your communication since then. This gives you the ability to assess your growth and creates an opportunity for you to set new goals for the future.
10. How important is your job to you? Would you be willing to leave it?
We were both jobless and had hazy career aspirations when we got married. Since then, we’ve had a variety of jobs, both full- and part-time. Changes in employment occur, sometimes more abruptly than you may anticipate. Where does the priority list place your present job? Would you be prepared to move in order to get it? Would your prospective partner agree to carry that out for you? Even if all of these are now quite speculative, you should provide the most truthful responses you can.
11. Is there anything you’re hoping will change about me when we get married?
This inquiry may be the most challenging to formulate, but it is also the most crucial. Marriage does not make up for a partner’s flaws or characteristics. A magnifying glass, that is. Those characteristics will emerge even more clearly. Each of you has shortcomings since no one is flawless. By really requesting this of one another, you identify the areas that need improvement and provide support for one another.
One of the biggest, most beautiful, and life-altering decisions you can make is getting married. There are people who are good for each other, even if there are no ideal people in the world. I hope these questions may help you and your future spouse be ready for a life together.